The Williamsburg Etiquette Guide: Going to Shows

A Williamsburg indie show with proper etiquette observed.

Welcome to another installment of the Williamsburg Etiquette Guide. It's all the information you'll need in order to maintain the proper amounts of irony, hipness and counterculture know-how whilst dwelling in or visiting the ‘Burg.

Rule #1: Never let anyone hear you call it the ‘Burg.

Onto today’s topic: Indie rock shows. We shall discuss the proper protocol to follow when attending the many concerts held around the city, especially those in Williamsburg.

When attending a show, you must first select which of the three primary roles you will take on as an audience member. You may choose from the following:

1. The apparently only-mildly-interested attendee with an air of detached cool, who has only shown up “cause he got in for free.”
2. The enthusiastic camera-phone wielder clustered in the mob upfront, who documents every gesture the guitarist of the obscure opening band makes for inclusion in his/her blog or facebook page.
3. The merrily flailing man who is dancing and genuinely having a good time. This man is usually alone, and generally shunned. Choosing this option is not recommended.

After you have made your role selection, it’s important to observe the guidelines of indie rock show etiquette:

There is to be only limited movement. It is considered acceptable to nod your head and tap the heel of your foot in time, but do your best to keep the rest of your body stationary.

Singing along is acceptable, but do so only under your breath until you have conclusively ruled that everyone else knows the words as well.

Resist the urge to clap your hands, even if the singer of the band is encouraging you to do so.

If you are of age, order a beer. Drink it very slowly, however—as long as you are holding onto the beer, you will not be tempted to engage in potentially embarrassing behavior such as applauding too enthusiastically or raising a fist, or worse--making the devil horns.

If you follow these simple guidelines, you should have no problem successfully attending a wealth of mildly enjoyable shows without anyone suspecting you of having any fun.

Comments

[Ritter]

You are a funny dude.