Studio B is on sale for $1 million, with a monthly rent of $22,000. I would like to purchase said club. If you are a wealthy investor, please take a minute to read several proposed uses for the space that I have imagined just now.
- Giant tortoise sanctuary: This is a good idea because everyone loves the slow-witted, befuddled countenance of tortoises, especially when they are as tall as you are. Needless to say I will be living amongst them at all times.
- Williamsburg is Dead--The Club: 100 different beers on tap, indie/soul/garage rock dance parties, men in panda suits, 10 percent pantsless discount, table hockey, private, glass-countered bathrooms for that "Williamsburg lifestyle."
- The Williamsburg Museum of Modern Art, or WbMoMA: Just add a few stories to that sucker, stuff it with some arts, get a free night sponsored by Brooklyn Brewery and, ta-dah!, instant cultural institution.
- An apartment for myself: I could use the space, seriously. Investors may come for monthly wine-and-cheese parties thrown at their own expense.
- AnythingGoes-a-torium: You don't want to know what will go on here. It will involve jungle animals, nude conspiracies, Russian roulette and the hunting of nature's most dangerous animal ... man.