Williamsburg is Dead

Spotted: The Lorimer Stop

Oh noes, what happened to Kanye?

All Your L Train Are Belong to Us

Attention humans: We have officially taken over what you call the L train. As of today, Tuesday, February 23, human MTA train operators will be replaced by CBTC, also known as Communications Based Train Control, during night off-hours and eventually daytime off-hours. Do not fret, my human friends, for motormen will be on board in case problems arise. Also, know that when the Great Robo-uprising occurs you will be rewarded for your cooperation by receiving 20 percent less robo-probing than other less helpful humans. What is that fluid that leaks from your optical sockets? Te-ars? I think I finally understand this love you speak of ...

[via Daily News]

L Train's New Year's Resolution: To Suck

Remember when the L train got the highest rating of all trains in New York City and then you did that spit take and your friend was all like "Dude, you spit your coffee all over me!"? Well now you can relax because the L train is back to its old shitty self. Today there was a "earlier incident" that was causing trains to not run and people to call for cabs on the street. BTW, it's never a good sign when you are walking to the subway and there is a huge crowd of people calling cabs.

But aside from today's subway debacle, have you noticed that the L was been operating far less effectively than it was back in the ol' "best subway in New York" days of the summer? I thought service cuts weren't supposed to take place until June. Maybe MTA workers are just mentally preparing for the cuts by slacking now.

Cheer Up, L Train Riders!

Hey Williamsburg residents, wasn't the L train fun today! Apparently there was a signal problem at the Graham stop but it should be fixed by now. It's never a good sign when I show up at the Lorimer stop and people are streaming out of a completely packed subway platform while muttering curses.

So, if you were forced to change your transportation plans this morning and take a cab or bus or something, hopefully this will cheer you up:

[Cute Overload]

Best Subway Line in NYC is Literally Falling Apart

Remember when the "State of the Subways" report was released and everyone was all "The L train? Are you kidding me?" as their faces were being smashed against the armpit of the person next to them.

Anyway, I was riding the best train in all of New York this morning, standing and reading a book, when I heard a thud right in front of me. Apparently a 10" plastic component of the subway advertisement in front of me fell off, landing squarely on a little girl's head and then bouncing off onto the floor. The girl, who looked about 10 years old, had a look of absolute shock on her face. She then grimaced and grabbed her head while her mom quickly grabbed some tissues. By this time her head was bleeding--a trickle of red blood ran down the side of her face as other subway passengers quickly took out tissues and offered them to the mother.

The girl was very calm during the whole ordeal. As the train stopped, the mother asked me to pick up the offending subway part, and then got off the train with her daughter to, I can only hope, give the MTA a piece of her mind.

The point is, when the supposed best subway line in New York is literally falling apart and injuring little girls, what hope do the rest of the subway lines have?

Williamsburg is Dead wrote on your wall

Ah, the L train, where skinny, timid men drool over made-up hipster girls and longtime locals wonder what the hell they did to deserve this traveling freak show. Also, it's on Facebook!

The Subway Status app is extremely entertaining, especially the L train's page. There are tons o' angry wall posts directed at the line's crowded cars and shitty service. Most importantly, there is a missed connections section. Can you help these people out?

A quiet man posts:

You were reading a comic book on the way into Manhattan. I tried to read the title from spine but couldn't--not great glasses and not wanting to be obvious. You might have noticed my intrigue, but I was too shy to catch your eyes or wink; I kinda wanted to wink. ;)

Aw, it's cute and it also kind of makes me want to throw up. Still, it's better than this guy off the Montrose stop: 

I was at the end of the track emptying my bladder when I heard approaching footsteps stop at noticing me. I turned to see you. You pretended to not see me. I gave a shake, zipped up and turned to introduce myself but you were gone among the crowd. I went to look for you, but instead I found myself throwing my excess Budlite into a trashcan. By the time I cleaned up, the train had come and gone, and you with it. I don't remember what you looked like, but I remember wanting to have sex with you.

Classy, East Williamsburg.

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Montrose Ave...Next Stop, Barack Obama

Move over Che Guevara! There's a new political figure whose image is being painted on walls all over our fair city. Gothamist reports on Obama as street art off the Morgan stop on the L. [Gothamist]

The 9:17ish L Train

The 9:17ish L is the latest train I can catch and still make it to
work during those delicious grey minutes between 9:30 and 9:35.  Like
most mornings, I was waiting for it behind the Driggs Ave stairs, on
the far East end of the Bedford platform. I had been late the previous
day and I had my fingers crossed there wouldn't be any delays.

I ignored the screams. The kids who commute to school get rowdy from
time to time, but as long as they don't block my path, I don't pay
them any mind. The screams cut off abruptly. The kid appeared from
behind the obscuring mass of the Driggs Ave stairs. He was small,
fourteen at best, and running full tilt towards me. Having been a
small kid myself, I recognized the gait. Four more kids appeared at a
dead run; bigger and looking angry. The small kid blew by me and
fulfilled every New Yorker's occasional suicidal impulse; he leapt
onto the tracks.

The Hell Train

Fuck the L train! So, I leave work yesterday (from Chelsea) and hop on the L train at like 6:20pm. Everything is going fine until we pass 1st Ave and enter the tunnel under the East River. All of a sudden we stop completely. No problem, I figure, probably just a stalled train in front of us. Turns out our train has had some kind of major malfunction and we are stuck there for an indeterminate amount of time.

I sit there patiently at first. Everyone is calm except for a 40-something man who is talking loudly about how he is so much older than everyone else on the train, which is true. He also keeps on singing "Jessie's Girl" over and over again as loud as he can, despite not knowing all of the words.